Who I am.

I just feel like blogging tonight well I guess it's morning. Anyways, Today was emotionally and physically draining. I'm not really sure of everyone who reads this. So I'm just going to let my fingers go and see what gets written.

So I feel like this blog is really just going to be about who I am today, and how I've gotten here. My day has shown me a lot of things that I have been able to reflect back on to see how my life really has become the way it is now....

I remember in high school being so scared to leave for school. Especially when I had finally decided on going to Ball State. Four hours away from home was not something I was really sure I could have handled. I remember as the months progressed I was so ready to get out of that high school. I was so ready to just be out of this place because I knew I was better then what this place could provide for me. I found out I had gotten the Camp Job in April and I remember being so excited about it. I remember at my graduation party, I was sitting there in the church, the place I felt the most welcomed at just about to burst into tears. I had never felt so lost and confused in my life. I felt so mixed about things. I remember asking myself is this really where I should be at in my life? 

In tears, I left the church that day with a hopeful heart. Excited and nervous to leave the next day. I had no idea the plans that God had for me. So that night I packed up my life and headed to Bedford the next morning with a heart ready for serving. Some of you know what happened the first night at camp and some of you don't. I'm not going into details but it just wasn't a good start to the summer. I tried to not let this set the tone for the summer and while at times it was good, Bad times certainly made up for those good times. But I don't regret it, and I know that I had a reason to be there and my reason was to fulfill God's purpose to provide a great experience for the campers. My summer went by so quickly. Camp Staff was another family for me, and it really changed my life. 

Shortly after moving out of the staff house I was packing my things up to head up to Ball State for school. I was up a couple days early for C.L.A.S.S. For which I'm thoroughly happy that I participated in. I found some of my Best friends in this program. I found a person that I can totally and completely pour my heart out to and he won't think I'm completely crazy. He's been there to pick me up when I need it and to just listen when I need that too. We all need a best friend and I'm glad I found mine. =)

More about Ball State....I love BSU. I was really nervous about it at first but I found a great church, a great group of friends who I adore, and a lot of things that I'm truly passionate about. I remember at one point this semester I was so ready to just give up and quit. I was so ready to just be done, I had lost all hope. That's not me, I'm not a quitter. 

I've learned a lot of things about myself at BSU. I've learned that no matter the age you can lead if you have the confidence. I find myself leading people who are much older then me. I've also learned as long as you have confidence, even when you don't know what you are doing, people will trust that you do. lol. 

Another thing that has been a constant comment to me has been my personality. I'm bubbly, I know this. I get excited easily, I like when people get excited. I'm an extrovert. I know all of these things. You know that corny thing where people try to get you to smile because they are like when you smile it lights up a room. Well someone made a comment to me the other day that caught me off guard. "I like being around you because you are funny, nice, and tell me how it is. But mostly because I know that I can't not smile when I'm with you Because you ALWAYS are. and for that I'm truly thankful." Thankful that I smile? (Thanks best friend =]) Who knew? ha

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm finally figuring out who I am. And let me tell you it's amazing to finally crack open those thoughts. Love you guys :)

Christmas Break!!!!!

I really should be studying for finals...But I don't think I could shove any more information into my brain, so I'm going to blog and hope that some of it comes out! :)

So I guess I can give an update on my life. I'm still loving Ball State. Like many other freshman I didn't work as hard as I should have this semester, and well unfortunately my grades are kind of showing that. But such is life, it'll get fixed.  I am also no longer a social work major. I know shocking right? I still love kids, and yes I would love to work in child services. But my passion and attachment is too high and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I get attached to kids easily. Carol, Becky, and Bev you know this to be true. I love all of your kids and to see something like that happen to a child would crush me. I just don't think I'd be able to handle it. The major I changed to is a totally different area of study. It's a pre-journalism program, drum roll? Public Relations! I'm not really sure if it's completely what I want to stick with right now, but it's something that I want to get involved with and see how it plans out. I think it had the potential to really wow me and I think I have the potential to really excel in this program. We'll just have to see.

Next..I'm still awaiting my call for summer. Many of you know that I applied to work at Quest in Wisconsin and as you all know I had an amazing opportunity to work at ICBC last summer. The decision is still in the air. I haven't heard anything back from Lance about Quest, While I know it is very competitive and have been constantly reminded to not get my hopes too high, I still wonder. I'm really hoping that God will point me in the way I need to be going. Because honestly right now I think I would choose ICBC, partially because it's what I know and I really miss it. I know he'll point me in the right direction, but it's the whole waiting it out thing. How long do I wait to make my decision, and am I even suppose to be in a summer ministry? It all will reveal in time.

hmm. Christmas break is approaching quickly and for this I'm so excited! :) I'll be coming home Friday the 19th and will be coming back up to Muncie on January 6th. Then on January 6th-11th I will be in Gatlinburg with other officers from Student Center Programming for a retreat. :) I don't have a lot of plans over break besides the usual church and hanging with friends. So if you want to hang out or just see me I'd LOVE to do that! :) And of course I'm going to be making a trip to see some favorites in Freelandville! :)

Lastly, I'm just trying to get through finals week. Muncie's weather is so unpredictable sometimes that it makes it a little hard to get to the library when it's snowing/sleeting/raining/wind blowing 3458 mph :) I'm making it through, and I'm SOO excited about coming home to see everyone! :) Love you guys!

Consistency.

It seems as though I'll never get my fairy tale. Why does disney make us girls believe that we have a prince charming? Oh goodness. Heart break--Check. 

I should have known better. But God shows a lesson through it all. He's teaching patience as well as discipline. Sorry I haven't blogged in who knows how long. I've let some people consume my life lately. 

Love you guys.

Anna