Who I am.

I just feel like blogging tonight well I guess it's morning. Anyways, Today was emotionally and physically draining. I'm not really sure of everyone who reads this. So I'm just going to let my fingers go and see what gets written.

So I feel like this blog is really just going to be about who I am today, and how I've gotten here. My day has shown me a lot of things that I have been able to reflect back on to see how my life really has become the way it is now....

I remember in high school being so scared to leave for school. Especially when I had finally decided on going to Ball State. Four hours away from home was not something I was really sure I could have handled. I remember as the months progressed I was so ready to get out of that high school. I was so ready to just be out of this place because I knew I was better then what this place could provide for me. I found out I had gotten the Camp Job in April and I remember being so excited about it. I remember at my graduation party, I was sitting there in the church, the place I felt the most welcomed at just about to burst into tears. I had never felt so lost and confused in my life. I felt so mixed about things. I remember asking myself is this really where I should be at in my life? 

In tears, I left the church that day with a hopeful heart. Excited and nervous to leave the next day. I had no idea the plans that God had for me. So that night I packed up my life and headed to Bedford the next morning with a heart ready for serving. Some of you know what happened the first night at camp and some of you don't. I'm not going into details but it just wasn't a good start to the summer. I tried to not let this set the tone for the summer and while at times it was good, Bad times certainly made up for those good times. But I don't regret it, and I know that I had a reason to be there and my reason was to fulfill God's purpose to provide a great experience for the campers. My summer went by so quickly. Camp Staff was another family for me, and it really changed my life. 

Shortly after moving out of the staff house I was packing my things up to head up to Ball State for school. I was up a couple days early for C.L.A.S.S. For which I'm thoroughly happy that I participated in. I found some of my Best friends in this program. I found a person that I can totally and completely pour my heart out to and he won't think I'm completely crazy. He's been there to pick me up when I need it and to just listen when I need that too. We all need a best friend and I'm glad I found mine. =)

More about Ball State....I love BSU. I was really nervous about it at first but I found a great church, a great group of friends who I adore, and a lot of things that I'm truly passionate about. I remember at one point this semester I was so ready to just give up and quit. I was so ready to just be done, I had lost all hope. That's not me, I'm not a quitter. 

I've learned a lot of things about myself at BSU. I've learned that no matter the age you can lead if you have the confidence. I find myself leading people who are much older then me. I've also learned as long as you have confidence, even when you don't know what you are doing, people will trust that you do. lol. 

Another thing that has been a constant comment to me has been my personality. I'm bubbly, I know this. I get excited easily, I like when people get excited. I'm an extrovert. I know all of these things. You know that corny thing where people try to get you to smile because they are like when you smile it lights up a room. Well someone made a comment to me the other day that caught me off guard. "I like being around you because you are funny, nice, and tell me how it is. But mostly because I know that I can't not smile when I'm with you Because you ALWAYS are. and for that I'm truly thankful." Thankful that I smile? (Thanks best friend =]) Who knew? ha

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm finally figuring out who I am. And let me tell you it's amazing to finally crack open those thoughts. Love you guys :)

Christmas Break!!!!!

I really should be studying for finals...But I don't think I could shove any more information into my brain, so I'm going to blog and hope that some of it comes out! :)

So I guess I can give an update on my life. I'm still loving Ball State. Like many other freshman I didn't work as hard as I should have this semester, and well unfortunately my grades are kind of showing that. But such is life, it'll get fixed.  I am also no longer a social work major. I know shocking right? I still love kids, and yes I would love to work in child services. But my passion and attachment is too high and I wouldn't be able to handle it. I get attached to kids easily. Carol, Becky, and Bev you know this to be true. I love all of your kids and to see something like that happen to a child would crush me. I just don't think I'd be able to handle it. The major I changed to is a totally different area of study. It's a pre-journalism program, drum roll? Public Relations! I'm not really sure if it's completely what I want to stick with right now, but it's something that I want to get involved with and see how it plans out. I think it had the potential to really wow me and I think I have the potential to really excel in this program. We'll just have to see.

Next..I'm still awaiting my call for summer. Many of you know that I applied to work at Quest in Wisconsin and as you all know I had an amazing opportunity to work at ICBC last summer. The decision is still in the air. I haven't heard anything back from Lance about Quest, While I know it is very competitive and have been constantly reminded to not get my hopes too high, I still wonder. I'm really hoping that God will point me in the way I need to be going. Because honestly right now I think I would choose ICBC, partially because it's what I know and I really miss it. I know he'll point me in the right direction, but it's the whole waiting it out thing. How long do I wait to make my decision, and am I even suppose to be in a summer ministry? It all will reveal in time.

hmm. Christmas break is approaching quickly and for this I'm so excited! :) I'll be coming home Friday the 19th and will be coming back up to Muncie on January 6th. Then on January 6th-11th I will be in Gatlinburg with other officers from Student Center Programming for a retreat. :) I don't have a lot of plans over break besides the usual church and hanging with friends. So if you want to hang out or just see me I'd LOVE to do that! :) And of course I'm going to be making a trip to see some favorites in Freelandville! :)

Lastly, I'm just trying to get through finals week. Muncie's weather is so unpredictable sometimes that it makes it a little hard to get to the library when it's snowing/sleeting/raining/wind blowing 3458 mph :) I'm making it through, and I'm SOO excited about coming home to see everyone! :) Love you guys!

Consistency.

It seems as though I'll never get my fairy tale. Why does disney make us girls believe that we have a prince charming? Oh goodness. Heart break--Check. 

I should have known better. But God shows a lesson through it all. He's teaching patience as well as discipline. Sorry I haven't blogged in who knows how long. I've let some people consume my life lately. 

Love you guys.

Anna

My Hands Hold Safely To My Dreams....

I'm finding myself in a rut. I'm not really sure what I'm suppose to be doing. I'm opening my heart and mind to God, and trusting that he will guide me in what to do. I'm applying to work at Green Lake Conference Center as Quest Staff. But I'm confused in the fact that I still feel as though ICBC has a hold on me. I applied at ICBC because I felt called to a summer ministry. When I found out I got the position I was so excited. As school was winding down I began thinking about camp and how it could possibly help me prepare for other ministries. Yes it did, but now that I have spent a summer there I feel like it has a hold on me. I miss Camp. I miss Camp Staff. Even through the drama, I still would do it over again. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I remember the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm just not really sure where God wants me. I know that he will place me where I'm suppose to be. But even two months later, I still feel like there is an ICBC shaped hole in my heart.

Let it Fade...

hey guys! :) Hope this blog finds you in a great state of mind. (And health, Lots of people in my dorm are sick) School is still going great for me. I really do love it here. I miss my friends back home, but I know this is where I'm suppose to be. It's a good feeling to know.

I know that most of the people who read this are from my home church. Don't worry I haven't forgotten you. I love each and everyone of you! :) And that is kind of why I'm typing this blog. I'm going to try to update more often, so you guys can know what is going on with me. 

But I have good news my friends! :) I found a church on campus. It's called The Revolution, and it's Great! It's Josiah and Kim's church. It's pretty awesome. I love it a lot. 

I'm going to brag on Seth a bit here. Sometimes when I hear other pastors speak, I just don't get the same effect. I don't get it sometimes, and its so frustrating when that happens. And with Seth, I just understand. I know that, that is who God chose to speak to me through.  But it's an awesome feeling to know that I can get that same understanding here. I get the messages, I understand the points. It makes me real happy.

This is where I need your help. I'm currently praying about two ministry opportunities. I can't really mention them yet, but that is where I need you. I need you to pray that I make the right choice in these decisions, and that it's God's Will and not someone else. I would truly appreciate it.

Oh yeah, I think you guys would like this song. So check out Let It Fade--Jeremy Camp

 

BSU! :)

So I have been at BSU since two Sundays ago! :) I absolutely love it here!  But I won't lie, the ride up was rough. 

So I'm leaving home and I'm making sure I have everything ready for C.L.A.S.S. (which was AMAZING =]) so I'm pulling out and I'm on my way up here. Everything was awesome until I hit Indy. Oh how I HATE construction. So I'm driving along and the road changes and I have to call my dad. I was so confused and just frustrated and ready to just leave and turn around and go back home. But I didn't, My dad straightened everything out for me and got me back on track. So I finally get to Muncie and I'm driving on campus, and of course I get confused AGAIN! :) lol Go figure. So I finally called a friend who was going to be at C.L.A.S.S. and after twenty minutes of PURE confusion I got to StuWest. I pull in and one of the first faces I see is familiar, Thank  God for Nick Hewitt! lol. After all the scrambling and such I ended up in the right place, unloaded my stuff, and parked my car.  C.L.A.S.S. was an amazing experience, and it was just what I needed to get a jumpstart on school. We went through a leadership challenge course, did some community service, and a lot of other things that I can't even explain.

Classes started Monday, and as much as I LOVE having Tuesdays and Thursdays off I am pretty much dead by that point. Five classes on Monday and Wednesday and then four on Friday. Oh boy! :) I think its better for me to get up in the morning for class and be ready to go all day. I got pretty freaked out on Sunday night. I don't really know exactly why but I was stressing hardcore. Which I guess is just what I do. 

Just thought I would update because I hadn't in awhile. So I am letting you guys know that I have survived my classes and BSU! :)  Love ya!

Chapters.

Oh boy. Well I haven't blogged in a super long time. Sorry. I've been busy. I'm going to try and be better now. :) So I left camp Monday. And when I was packing I was just so ready to come home and just so ready to settle back in. As I was taking things to my car I realized that this place was my home. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Saying bye to my fellow staff was one of the hardest things I've done. They are my family.

And now as I sit here and start to think of what I need to pack for college, I feel like I am in the same rut I was in when I was packing for camp. I'm scared, nervous, and wondering if this is for the best. I'm excited about college, but I'm scared. I wonder about the things that I'm going to encounter, the people I will meet, and the classes I will be taking.

One thing that I have been constantly reminded to do is to find a church when I go. I know this and Yes I want to find a church. But now that everyone is constantly reminding me of this I'm scared I won't find one!

Realization

So I've been working at camp, since the end of May. And I LOVE it. Its frustrating yes, but just like any other job its going to be. But this week was good. Not just because of the age group. But because of a question I was asked. This week was Explorers/ Discovery A. And The director is fabulous! But as I was closing the store up I was asked a question. The question being, How much do you get paid? Now this would be a simple question usually. But Instead of answering it in a way I would, I am pretty sure God took over my tongue. He replied with It doesn't matter the amount I get paid, Its the amount of Christ I show. This is a ministry. It was at that point, that I finally realized that I REALLY was suppose to be there. I had thought that I was suppose to be there. And Obviously Brian thought God wanted me there too. So I'm glad that I know I'm suppose to be there. To fulfill a purpose! :) Love you guys

Camp

Sorry Fellow Bloggers. I have failed you by not blogging. Love you all but I have good reasons to be failing at this. I've been WORKING. ha.

Camp is going pretty well. It comes with many frustrations just like any other job. But it is not just a job. Its a ministry, and even with all the frustrations, and work its well worth the lives that we will be changing. MAD camp is this week. Which is super exciting because the counselors are awesome! And the Campers, as Kendra would say are nerdy cute kids who are fun. Which is true. They are lots of fun. But its ten. I'm tired and I have to get up bright and early. Give me a ring sometime or something! Any of you! Love you!

You Alone

You are the only one I need
I bow all of me at Your feet
I worship You alone

You have given me more than
I could ever have wanted
And I want to give You my heart and my soul

You alone are Father
And You alone are good
You are alone are Savior
And You alone are God

I'm alive, I'm alive
I'm alive, I'm alive

Sometimes I think we all need to be reminded that He is our maker and then he alone can forgive us. And he alone is the only way.

Camp

Yay Camp! :) I was excited to get here yesterday! And I am so excited to see what God has planned for me! :) Yay! I can't wait for Camps to actually start coming in though. Then it will be soo much more exciting. Hannah got here today which is really fun, because I have been the only girl for the two days that I have been here. But I'm tired, and get to get up and watch the lifeguarding video tomorrow. boo. lol

May 23, 2008

May 23, 2008. My eighteenth birthday and my graduation night. Wow. I honestly like every other kid never thought that day would come. But now it just doesn't seem real. It doesn't feel like I'll be going off to college. And it really doesn't feel like summer either.

Anyways. Yesterday I was really dreading Graduation rehearsal. It just seemed so dumb to go through the walk like Twelve times. But none the less I sat through it. As the day progressed I began to be more excited about things. When six o'clock rolled around I was nervous, excited, and anxious. I was so ready to graduate. I then received news that a family member of mine wasn't coming. And telling you I handled it in a good way would be lying. I was crying, frustrated, and just mad. But Most of all, I was hurt. But I got through it. I went on to Graduation and I met with my fellow classmates for probably the Last time, well that ALL of us would be there. I went to the bathroom with the girls I had ate lunch with since Jr. High. I fixed the Cap of a guy who I wasn't even friends with until My senior year.

Because you see, Graduation night isn't about who is wearing what dress, who looks the best, or even who has the most people there watching. Its about knowing that inside of you, that you deserve this. That this is what you've been working hard for all these years. It's about getting your reward for your work.

Summer 2008

Oh goodness, How time flies. I'm so ready to be graduated and just be done with school. But today as I was turning in my Physics book it really started to sink in. That I'm really graduating. I really am going to College. I'm really leaving high school. And for once in my life, I'm not scared. I'm ready for change. So anyways...Here is a run-down of what is happening in the next few weeks. Well this weekend if my Journey. Which I've decided that I'm excited about it, but at the same time it just seems that I've been waiting so long for it that I've just been kinda melancholy about it. I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience and once I get there I'll be excited again :) Next Monday is my last full day of High School. Tuesday is senior awards and the All School Picnic. Wednesday and Thursday I have off. Which I might go down to Camp those days to see if I can help with anything. Friday is my 18th birthday and Graduation! :) And then Saturday and Sunday are Grad Parties! Mine is Sunday, for all your information! lol And then a couple days after that I will be leaving for camp. Yay! I'm so excited about this. I talked to a girl who is going to be on staff with me and I got to know her a little bit better. It was a good conversation. She had never been to ICBC.

I'm excited for all these wonderful Changes God is putting me through :)

Making Time for Tuesday.

Like always, God had a lesson for me today. Ya see, I was super stressed about some money issues with me leaving for New York tomorrow. I was really angry, but then something happened. I found out that my dear friend Andrew was admitted to the hospital. This changed everything. As many of you know, I love this child. He is so precious and God has used him to make a huge change in my life.

As I drove to the hospital I began to think a lot of things. God has to be telling me something or trying to show me something. So I took a good friends advice, be still and listen. So I did. Well kinda, since my car was still moving. :)

All in all, God was telling me to stop looking at the materialistic things in life, and Look at the Love that we should all have for each other. It's not about how much money you have, or what kind of car you have, or how much your prom dress is. They will know we are Christians by our love.

Just thought I'd share. I should get back to packing. Something I definitely do not love. lol Have a good one! See ya when I get back from NYC!

God Holds my Future.

Thank you, God, that you
have engraved me on the
palm of your hand. You hold
my future, so I never have
reason to fear. Through you I
have the gift of eternal life,
and your faithful guidance
makes my life full.

--Promises for Students

This is so true. I'm so thankful that God is my present and Future. :)

Changes :)

Oh Change, How I know the well :)

SOO many things showed me how much my life is going to be changing in the next few months. The weekends are going to start rolling soon. I go to New York in Two weeks. I'm so excited. I love Musicals and we are definitely going to see Wicked and Hairspray! I'm just excited that my life will soon be changing. I graduate in a month and a week. I never thought this day would come, but now that it is I'm more excited then anything. The weekend before Graduation is when I go on my Journey. I'm pretty excited about it.

And a couple days after Graduation, I'll leave for camp. I'm so excited for this. I feel truly blessed that God has put me into this position.

I guess you could say that I'm over this place. I'm over the high school drama. I'm over the rumors. I'm just done. I'm so ready to be out of it. And I know that after high school is not going to be all roses. I just really can't be in that school.

Honestly though, A lot of my drama is coming from another source. But we won't go into that. I'm tired. And I've rambled enough. :)

Love you guys!

p.s. Did I mention I have a date this weekend? :) :) :)

Rumors.

So today was a down day. It started to rain and for some reason I knew it just wasn't going to be good. So my day is going okay. Then BAM last period something happens. Rumors Start FLYING. and I don't even know what to do or say to them. Obviously they aren't true.

Now I could deal with a rumor about me saying that I was loud or annoying but not the one that was thrown at me. but this one was heart wrenching. It honestly almost made me sick to my stomach. And not only did it hurt me, it hurt the other party involved. The other party use to be one of my BEST friends. But its quite obvious that we aren't anymore. They don't believe me. And honestly I don't know what to do. Hate to break it to ya but I DO have Morals, unlike some others.

It honestly feels like people are just flapping their traps about things that aren't true. And you know I started to think about well if they don't believe me then well its their faults. I know I'm right and I guess thats all that matters. But its not okay. It makes me feel like all the friends I've had are liars. They are spreading things that aren't true. I mean don't get me wrong, not ALL of my friends are doing this to me. I don't know it just feels like they don't care anymore because I'm not going to be here in a couple months.

I'm graduating next month. And leaving for camp not even a week later. I'm so excited for this opportunity, but one thing I didn't plan on doing is forgetting about my friends back home. I feel bad for saying this, but I really wish I was out now. Just gone away from this high school. I hate this.

But I'm better than this. I'm not going to let this rain on my parade. My week has been amazing and for someone to come in and pounce on it like this is just Ridiculous. So I'm keeping my head held high and am going to push through this :)

Thanks for the Encouragement Becky :)

:)

My Song of the day is......



What It Means--By Jeremy Camp

Check it out! Its pretty amazing!

He is so Amazing.

Well as most of you know, I applied for a staff job at Indian Creek Baptist Camp! Also most of you know I'm probably one of most impatient people on the earth. So When I found out that I wouldn't know about camp til this week, I kinda pouted. But God Just wanted to teach me patience. I'm So excited to say I got the Job! :) Yay! lol! Most of you who are reading this already knew this, but hey I'm excited!

Just wanted you all to know how Much I love and appreciate you. Thanks for being patient with me and praying for/with me! I love you Guys!

Open my eyes.

God is trying to tell me something right now. What he is trying to tell me is not really all that Clear. So I guess my song today would be Open the Eyes of my Heart. I'm trying so hard to just hear him. But It's not easy.

Letting Go.

I'm proud of myself today.

I'm handing it over. I'm not stressing any longer. Because ultimately, what I am suppose to do is going to happen. Whether I like that decision or not. I'm going to have to deal with it.

A couple weeks ago I got a letter from my huddle leader from FCA camp. And she put some scripture in it. And I fell in love.

Psalm 62:5-8
"Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress- I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

I plan on doing that ^^ :)

Growing

So how do you know when you are suppose to get out of a situation? Or maybe even a friendship? This weekend has put me into situations that I don't really like, but things that I have to deal with.

Saturday for instance was my Camp interview. Well I got up at nine and was so excited and I was just really ready to see how the day went! Well my friend had told me to call her in the morning when I woke up. Well so I did. I called and talked to her mom a few minutes, until her mom went to wake her up. And well she wasn't there. So her mom starts freaking out. And I'm just like I don't know what in the heck to do. So I just sit and wait, and pray. Because thats all I can do. Well then I started to go get ready, and during this whole time I was getting ready I was thinking about things. I've told this girl about God. I've been the "holy" example as some of you like to say. But sometimes it feels like I'm getting so close and then its like BAM Just kidding. And its so frustrating. And all day I couldn't stop thinking about how selfish she was to sneak out and run away for a day from her parents. I'm sure they just felt helpless. I know I did. Here I was at my house, getting ready to leave for my interview and My best friend is missing. I mean what do you do about that. But then I started thinking. Wow She called me and She KNEW I had my interview. Not only was she stressing her family out, She was putting strain on me. I'm not meaning to sound selfish but I would never do that to anyone. I don't know. I mean I put a lot into that friendship and sometimes it just feels like I'm getting nothing out of it. I mean shes my best friend and I love her dearly, but I don't know. Its pulling me down a bit too. And I know friends are there. But I can only push so much. Ya know?

And then there is some other things that are going on. I just don't get it. I'm being pushed out again. I hate this feeling. Because yet again, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

I guess I'm learning to grasp opportunities that are out there now. I'm learning that sometimes I need to think of myself first. I guess I just don't really know when to put others in front of me or not. Because I mean I want to. But sometimes it just feels like I need to give up.

When you feel as though you have outgrown something do you just stop participating? Or do you keep going and pretend to be happy?

I Feel [Broken.]

I hate that feeling. When you just feel like you are in a million little pieces laying on the ground. It hurts. I know I'll be okay. Because well my hope is in God. But How can I protect my heart? I don't wanna shut others out.

But I don't wanna feel like this either. :(

My Amazing Hero.

I can remember when I was little and I was like My Hero is Spiderman, Okay so maybe not spiderman but you get the point.

Running on three hours of sleep I started thinking about some things. And I was typing a scholarship paper. And the topic was name one person who has made a significant difference in your life. I was having a hard time thinking about who to write about. So I ended up just getting on the computer and looking around. So as I was just checking my mail and wasting time til I had to write this, I went to Andrew's Caring Bridge Site.

I read the new Journal Entry and it occurred to me.

This sweet and innocent Child is my hero.

Most of you know that I have problems just letting go and letting God's will be done. But today the journal entry just got me.

If only I could have faith like this Child. The hardships he goes through, the pain he deals with, and the frustration he perseveres through. It all amazes me. He still has full faith in God. He KNOWS that God will take care of him.

So when I write my paper today, I'm not going to write about Ghandi or George Bush. I'm going to write about this amazing nine year old I know. So Andrew this blog is for you kid, you are my true hero. :)

Jealousy

Jealousy, Ugh What an ugly Word.

I know as Christians we aren't suppose to be jealous. But dang it! It's so hard not to be. I don't want to be jealous. But I don't really know how to overcome it.

Suggestions are very welcome.

Church Camp

Guess what! I got my phone call for my Interview for Church Camp! Its March 29th! Definitely Keep my in your prayers! :)

Speaking my Mind.

So I have yet another problem that needs counseling. That would be why I am posting. :)

So in the past I've talked about forgiveness and forgiving people. Okay so the story is...

I was in a class the other day. And as I was putting away my books I heard people behind me arguing. So obviously I turn around and see whats going on. So as I turn around I figure out what they are yelling about. So they were fighting about a pencil. Me not thinking it was that serious. Turns around and says yes, that is his pencil. Honestly I said it Very Calm and gentle. And the person who disagreed about the pencil started screaming at me. So I was just like well there isn't a need for you to yell at me. And she then continued to anyways.

So I know times like these are going to come. But this girl was one of my best friends. And now she is mad at me for saying that it was in fact the other kids pencil. We aren't speaking over a Stupid Pencil? Thats pretty dumb if you ask me.
The problem is that I forgive her for yelling at me. Because yes people have their moments. But I think she thinks she isn't at fault. Which maybe there is a part of the picture I am completely missing. But The thing that Bothers me the most about this is that the rest of yesterday and today all she did was talk about me. Obviously not nice things. I mean really. All of this over a pencil Ridiculous right? I think so!

So I guess what I'm asking is, what am I suppose to do now. I mean am I suppose to just sit there and let her talk about me to everyone. I know that what comes out of mouths is very hurtful and we shouldn't speak like that. I don't plan on getting back at her or anything, but what am I suppose to do. Just sit there and take it?

Texting.

So it seems my texting habit has rolled up yet another phone bill. Not mine but a friends :( So they can't use their's for a month :( Sorry Spencer!

As Becky told me earlier(via text message)-- "I'd hate for you to losing texting for a month! You would have to be medicated!" I then replied to her with " No I would probably have to be in an institution." lol Sadly this is probably true.

By the way Becky, I did not get caught and I usually don't! So thats good news for me! :) ha!

Major Changes

Major Changes as in my College Major. I've already changed like four times and I'm not even registered yet! ha! This Could be rather interesting.

So about this Major! :) So as many of you guys know I planned on majoring in Social Work. Well I'm not totally going away from Social Work :) I'm still interested in that field. But its going to be much Broader now.

After a lot of prayer, and talking with some people, I've decided to major in Religious Studies. Random, Yes? But It feels really right. And you know I might change again. Who knows, And if I do It will be okay.

Why am I changing my major to Religious Studies? Good Question. Ministry is the answer. But what type is the REAL Question. I could see myself doing Children's ministry. I LOVE kids, but I don't think that is where God wants me. In the past month or so I've been pulled toward something. And I've really prayed Hard about it. And I've asked a couple people to pray about it too. And it all pointed to the same thing. Missionary Work.

God Has pulled me through a lot of turns and hills in the past year and a half. He has continued to provider for me and I have full faith that he will continue his work through me. I know God has plans for me, and honestly I'm just going with my feelings, and my listening skills. Although the road is kinda musty I'm positive God will show me the way.

So I guess what I'm asking for, is lots of prayer. I need you guys to pray for me, and help me figure out what is going on. lol I love you guys :)

Forgiveness

Keep Reading! There is a point for this blog! I promise! :)

Five Things About Me You Might Not Know!

1. I don't have a middle name.
2. I have Asthma.
3. I enjoy spelling :) <--I think that makes me a nerd!
4. I was born in Kansas City, Missouri
5. I like making lists like these. :)

Four Books I enjoy reading!

1. The Bible (I don't read it as much as I should though...I know tsk tsk..)
2. Night
3. A Million Little Pieces
4. Chronicles of Narnia

Three Favorite Classes in School..(and why I love them)

1. Biblical Literature--Although I didn't enjoy some of the people, I still enjoyed the biblical discussion. This class was a crucial step in my Christian Walk.
2. Anatomy--Who doesn't want to Dissect a cat? I think the reason I like this class so much is because its challenging but its something I actually want to learn.
3. French--I LOVED my French Class. This class was just a lot of fun. We were super interactive and of course I love it because we went to France! :) hah!

My Two Favorite Places to be.

1. The Memorial--Of course at night. Idk, sometimes it feels like its a place I can run to when I need to think about things.
2. Green Lake--Oh how I love this place. My week there was amazing. Seth I don't know how you left. Its truly just a place where you can get away and just truly seek out God, especially in nature. I love This place.

One thing I need to work on....

Well there is a plethora of things I need to work on. But I think the one thing that I should work on the most is forgiving people. I mean seriously what right do I have to not forgive someone, when God sent his only Son to die for us. He forgave us of all our sins. And for that I am truly thankful.

hmmm :)

So I've cooled down since the last post. And I'm realizing things. As I was talkin to a pretty good friend of mine today, she made the comment of sorry that had to happen to you. And as she told me this the song There is a Reason by Caedmon's Call came on through Itunes. And honestly it all started to make sense.

If you haven't heard the song, you need to listen to it.(if it wasn't for Lauren I wouldn't have downloaded it :) Thanks Lauren!) So as I was talking to my friend I began to again realize that Everything obviously happens for a reason. And I don't know why or how I didn't see it! God was pushing it RIGHT in my face!

And then it hit me! For the past few weeks, I've been pretty much running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Just being super stressed and everything. And So i just didn't know what to do. We are pretty much in the process of switching our youth group name to [Pause.]--> i love the brackets :) But anyways. It says that we need to Pause in our lives and remember that God will provide, And we need to always have time for God. Well then There is all this drama going down. And of course there are other things too. We need to withdraw and pray!

A friend of mine is kinda scaring me. Something is definitely not right. Not with our friendship but with something they are struggling with. And Tonight I finally talked to someone about it.

Then here is the BIG finale. This morning in FCA we talked about God gave us soo much! He gave us light, grass, LIFE, and not too mention Jesus Christ our Savior!--> pretty big deal if you ask me! It finally hit me! DUH! I've been so distracted lately that I haven't been giving back to God. I haven't been setting a good Christian example to my fellow Christians(and non-christians) at my school and even my church. I've been to caught up in my own issues that I forgot my whole purpose of life. To Glorify God.

I can't believe that all this time I haven't been able to see the big sign that says Hey Choose me! He wants us to seek him, bring people to him, and show him in our lives. I haven't been the best example lately. I'm not perfect in any way. But I'm going to try to be more Christ Like and stop getting so caught up in things. And if I do, please someone remind me of this post.

Facing Confliction

Disclaimer: So I've been stressed. And today something just pushed me a bit over the edge so In order to calm myself I wrote something down in my notebook. So I thought I would post it.

So as a Christian what am I suppose to do when someone backs me into a corner? When they accuse me of something I clearly I did not do. Or yell at me for something I didn't say. What am I to do in that moment of mass hysteria. Why am I intimidated? Yes, I'm human, I know this. I know God will provide for me, but what am I suppose to do right now? Being Patient is not something that I am good at. I know I need to work on that, because its a definite fault of mine. But right now my load is heavy and my legs are weary. And I'm almost sure to fall fast...and soon.

Conflicts are not my thing. (Although I'm a very outspoken person.) I know where my lines lay. Yes I like to argue something that I truly believe in, but thats different. I would never speak to break down friendships of others.( This I was accused of) If You ask me what I think, I'm more than likely going to tell you. Thats just the type of person I am. Sure I can sugar coat it sometimes. But I guess I'll have to stop that.

I don't really know about a lot of things. But I know this. People push others around for mere pleasure. And honestly it makes me sick. People obviously think its funny when others break down and cry and just plain Crash.

Sometimes I come off as a person who doesn't care. But I don't think I would ever be able to seriously degrade someone the way that I was degraded today. The fact that people can just be so mean hurts. I just don't get it.

The Famine and Its Amazingness! :)

This past weekend was the 30 Hour Famine. This year it really hit home for some reason. I found myself definitely getting torn up by the Invisible Children Movie.

It made me realize how Misinformed our country is about this problem. It's a HUGE problem, and to see our Country just look past it or say we can't accomplish that absolutely tears me inside.
But the simple fact is, is that we CAN accomplish it. As said many times this past weekend. We have the Cash, Science, Drugs. But do we have the Will power?

I know I can't end world hunger, but I can help and you can too. I encourage you to go to www.invisiblechildren.com
At least know what is going on. Whether you help or not just take the time to atl east get informed.

Pushed Away

So I feel like I'm being pushed away. Actually I know I am being pushed away.
For the past month or so I've realized that I'm slowly getting pushed away from things. I'm realizing that I am moving on with my life and maybe they just don't really need me anymore.

In a way it upsets me. But a very good friend of mine reminded me that sometimes God puts you in these situations to help others even when you outgrow them.
I guess I just feel like I've outgrown this place. I feel like I'm just ready for another stage in life. I'm just ready to go away and just see what God has put out their for me. My life is going to be so much more then just Knox County. And for that I'm truly thankful.

Growing up

So I went and watched Girls sectionals last night. Realized how much I missed it, but realized that I think I did a mature thing getting out of a situation that put physical and emotional stress on me. Rediculous. And Also made me think wow how many girls would go to the Jr High everyday and work with those basketball players. It made me realize that when I go to coach I can't worry about my problems. This season made me think that I really have to think about these kids first. Think about others before myself. And a lot of younger kids don't get the chance to really do this because they are so self absorbed in their own activities(guilty) But I'm really glad I took on that coaching job. God Blessed me with a great bunch of girls this year. And I'm so thankful that I wasn't just their coach but their friend.

Oh blogging

Oh blogging. I've tried this before. I figure this is a way of helping everyone around me know what is going on. Because well sometimes I just don't really wanna spill it out.

So lets see :)

As some of you may know I have been thinking about applying to be on staff at Indian Creek Baptist Camp. Well I finally received the application(and boy is it thorough lol)

I'm feeling a lot of different emotions around this. I am excited, scared, anxious, nervous and all those good things.
I am excited to see this new experience not only expand my bubble in my Christian walk but also in my other life skills. I am kinda scared just because it would be a new experience and sometimes those can be scary. Anxious because well Its going to be AMAZING!! And Nervous to see if I get the job.

We'll see how these next few months go. Hopefully they go over well. And I get through this HUGE application :)